wild hearts can be tamed

I’m giving school another try, I think.

I want to know that I at least tried my best instead of just giving up.

I feel like I am chemically imbalanced or something of the sort, maybe i have ADHD.  Depression maybe?  Who knows.  Because I can’t afford to see a doctor or get treatment and definitely cannot afford rehab.  I need Adderall or Prozac or something.  Perhaps I’m just a fucking lazy ass. But I’m just gonna have to stick it.  Like, stick it HARD. Real hard.  I’m not going to fuck up my life.  I’m done stressing about things and the fact that I’m turning 24 with no degree and no career but who the fuck cares because it’s not about how fast you get there, it’s how far.  And if I know that I did my best when I get to where I’ll be, then I’d be totally fine with it and be grateful I made it thus far.  I don’t have to be like anyone else, even though I thought I needed to be.  Not everyone has the same mind and the same capabilities.  And I won’t give a fuck when that time comes if I’m still not good enough for other people (like my family) because I’ll be good enough for me and it’s time to stop giving a shit what other people think because it’s my life and I’m in control so it’s gonna go by my rules.  I just have to keep reminding myself that I need to take control, and I’m doing it for only myself.

I think I’m growing up just a little bit.